


I Once Was Lost

by Catherine256



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Breeze Browne mentioning, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24424498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catherine256/pseuds/Catherine256
Summary: Claire stands on the balcony of the Marine Science Center. This time, alone.
Relationships: Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39





	I Once Was Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, I hope you’ll enjoy it.
> 
> Inspired by the S3 EP4 of the show, so there’s references, including the song “Amazing Grace”.

Claire stands on the balcony of the Marine Science Center. This time, alone. In the past year, she never thought to come here because of the grief and fear.

Everyone in the place was enjoying a charity event which aims to support medical and marine research. It could help find out a diagnosis and treatment for extraordinary cases, like when an experiment on zebra fishes saved the life of James, the marathon guy, who drowned in his own fluids. So, the board of St. Bonaventure decided it’s a great opportunity to keep this kind of research not only in medicine, but in science generally.

She wasn’t going to attend the event, but couldn’t explain why to both – her Chief of Surgery and her Attending. Claire still can’t find the words for it. Only Morgan, without any explanation, knowingly hugged her when they both were in the locker room, changing their work clothes to fancy dresses they bought a couple days ago in some tiny shop and for not so big a price. Less competitive and more empathetic Morgan is still a bit cold with others, but she becomes different after her hands surgeries for sure. And now she and Claire are definitely a little more like friends.

“It’s been a long year, mom,” she whispers with her tight throat. She feels like it was yesterday and a whole life ago at the same time. “I’m sorry,” she swallows, her eyes can’t fix at one point as she tries to bounce back to normal. It’s hard. “Well, I fell in love. Finally. He's an intelligent and caring man, nothing like who I was dating before. And you were wrong when kept telling that no one would ever love me beside you. He... does, I think,” Claire sighs, wrath’s moving through her veins.

Claire shakes her head, feeling a little too dramatic right now. She’s holding the railing tight, feeling that she’s boiling with grief and sadness. It feels like that day again. She was thinking that she’s over it after all those days, months, but she’s fooling herself. It’s devastating. Claire breathes heavily, trying to swallow this feeling away. But it grips her all over her body and squeezes like she was in the tiniest room and walls keep closing.

And Claire can’t close her eyes, shaking a little and whispering something. She didn’t realize what it was – a pray, a small cry for help, a promise or an incoherent resolution – but it feels right.

_Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,  
That saved a wretch like me._

She kept looking into nowhere, when one single tear blossomed on her cheek and fell down her chin in the end.

_I once was lost, but now am found,  
Was blind but now I see..._

She’s quietly singing, feeling the air takes her fear and anger away.

_Was Grace that taught my heart to fear,  
And Grace, my fears relieved..._

“Hey... I’m sorry,” Morgan’s standing beside her for a while now, listening to her and trying to not disturb her communication with her mother. But she hears how Claire’s voice shakes and how her lost gaze full of fears looks in the deep of the pool with marines inhabitants. “Melendez was looking for you,” Claire finally looks at Morgan with her frightened eyes. “I told him you probably needed some fresh air,” she answers her silent question softly.

“Thanks,” Claire squeezes out after a few moments. “I’ll come back soon,” her hand nervously wipes her nose.

Morgan is standing with her for a few more minutes. She rubbed her shoulder reassuringly and then left quietly. Claire lost in her thoughts again. Trying to drown out her mother’s words, that no one would love Claire except her, she slowly disappears in the lines of the same song, as if this is the only thing that will help her survive the grief.

_How precious did that Grace appear  
The hour I first believed..._

It makes her eyes watery again. All of those words’ like the knife in her heart. It’s been a whole year, why does it still hurt so much? She doesn’t know.

Her mother never was a person she wanted to have in her life after everything she did to Claire. After everything she ain’t did to her. For her. It’s selfish, she thinks, but she can’t stop hating Breeze Browne for what kind of a mother she was.

She suddenly found herself in the loving arms she knows so well. He holds her and runs his hand up and down her spine to make her feel at least a bit better. He is captivated by her slightly trembling but so pleasant voice. She sings mutely.

_I once was lost but now am found,  
Was blind but now I see,  
Was blind, but now I see._

“I had spread her ashes here. A year ago,” Claire says all of a sudden.

“You never told me that before...” Neil keeps hugging her, wrapping her shaking under the cool air form in his jacket.

“Morgan persuaded me to fulfill my mother’s last wish – to be with sea lions after death. We came here on some drag party that day,” she continues as if not hearing his words. “And after a while I did it, from right here... And Morgan told me I had to sing, so I did.”

“I wish I’d be here with you that day. But I’m blessed that I am now and for as long as you want me to be with you.”

Claire finally raises her head up and looks at his soft, but sorrowful expression. She takes his face in her hands gently and reaches up to his lips. Now it was right. She’s still mourning, but not with some random bar guy who doesn’t care about her feelings. She’s with the most compassionate and loving person she knows. And the feeling that he’s absolutely fond of her is all she needs right now.

“I love you,” Claire whispers with her swollen from crying and kissing lips almost pressed to his. “You saved me. Thank you,” her hazel green eyes, fixing on his dark sad ones, are full of tears, but she has a small smile.

“You saved me, too, baby, and was always there for me,” Neil wants her to know that for sure. “Your mother was wrong, you have people who love you and care about you like she never did,” he brushes his lips slowly against hers. “I love you so much and I can’t imagine a life without you.”

Neil looks into her beautiful eyes, which are full of love for him despite all their gloom. He’s smiling slightly at her and pressing her closer, leaning his forehead to hers, promising with such necessary movements that everything will work out eventually.

And they both can see the future in each other’s eyes.

_I once was lost but now am found,  
Was blind but now I see._


End file.
